Photo by Vidal Baliedo Jr.
Children need both their Father and Mother!
Children need rights; children need both their biological father and mother. The traditional family has been a stabilizing unit in society for many centuries. Children who grow up in this type of family, with their mother and father both involved, are statistically most likely to be protected and loved. Therefore, it is deeply important for the well-being of children to protect children’s rights to be raised by their biological father and mother.
As Jennifer states in her article, Children Deserve Both Mom and Dad. She points out that marriage is not just a private contract. It is a public institution—created for one reason above all: to unite children with their mother and father.
It (marriage) is not about validating adult desires. It is about securing child rights. A lifelong, exclusive union between a man and a woman gives children the best odds for stability, identity, and love. That is why societies everywhere have recognized and supported marriage. Not to hand out gold stars to couples, but to safeguard children. A just government’s interest in marriage is protecting children.
The advantages that children enjoy in a traditional family with married parents
There are some other key points in the article, The impact of family structure on the health of children: Effects of divorce from the National Library of Medicine:
- Nearly three decades of research evaluating the impact of family structure on the health and well-being of children demonstrates that children living with their married, biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional, and academic well-being.
- Pediatricians and society should promote the family structure that has the best chance of producing healthy children.
- The best scientific literature to date suggests that, with the exception of parents faced with unresolvable marital violence, children fare better when parents work at maintaining the marriage.
- Consequently, society should make every effort to support healthy marriages and to discourage married couples from divorcing.
What cultural pressures have caused the redefinition of family and marriage?
In recent years, there has been ongoing, steady cultural pressures that have been influencing society.
Several examples of these significant pressures are:
1. The Rise of Radical Individualism.
Today’s culture highly values personal freedom and self-expression. This means living however one wants and without limits.
Therefore, commitment to marriage is viewed as optional, flexible and unnecessary.
At this time in our current culture, family is viewed as whatever you create
it to be. It is defined by your personal preference. For children in our society, a non-traditional family looks like any of the following scenarios: a single mom or single dad, blended families, two moms, two dads or throuple parents (a romantic relationship between three people).
Significantly, for many centuries, cultures around the world defined the family by a married man and woman with children. However, in today’s society, God’s design for marriage and family has been rejected by many people.
In recent decades, people have been seeking to create their own identity by looking within themselves. In contrast, in previous societies, people would often have identified themselves according to their relationships and responsibilities. For Christians though, the most important identity is our God given one.
2. Fewer People are Being Shaped by Religious Belief and Community Norms
In the early 1960’s there was a strong cultural move away from biblical sexual ethics. Boundaries that once existed began to move. “Culture says there is no moral standard – only personal choice.”
It became acceptable to:
- have sex without marriage, based on consent and personal preference.
- participate in sexual relationships without commitment,
- create your own boundaries around your sexual ethic.
This move away from biblical sexual ethics has resulted in:
- the traditional family structure becoming optional,
- Re-definition of traditional (God designed marriage) to include homosexual marriage.
- single parenting independent of marriage
- definition of family becoming whatever you choose.
- IVF and surrogacy has become a means for same-sex couples to acquire children thus removing the right of the child to know and be raised by his/her biological parents.
Our modern culture celebrates the idea of designing your own identity, lifestyle and family structure. Therefore, any family structure, traditional or not is now seen by many as acceptable.
Most importantly, it seems, is that the structure of one’s chosen family aligns with one’s personal desires.
3. Education, Media & Entertainment
Public Education increasingly promotes gender theory,
sexuality as a spectrum and emphasizes autonomy and self-creation. Students are taught that family structures are “social constructs” not moral norms.
This teaching undermines the traditional family and young people are viewing the traditional family as just one option among many.
Media & Entertainment has always been a constant cultural force. Constant exposure to different ideas and behavior normalizes casual sex, elevates non-traditional families and promotes sexual experimentation. Additionally, fatherhood, marriage and biblical morals are frequently portrayed as unnecessary, outdated or burdensome.
Loss of Christian morality & identity in our society affects children!
The significant loss of foundational biblical teaching has resulted in many fractured families as cultural opinions shift constantly!
In 1970, 84 percent of children lived with their married biologic parents, whereas by 2009, only 60 percent did so. In 2009, only 29 percent of African-American children lived with their married biologic parents, while 50 percent were living in single-mother homes. Furthermore, 58 percent of Hispanic children lived with married biologic parents, while 25 percent were living in single-mother homes. Importantly, a recent Harvard study on single-parent families revealed that the most prominent factor preventing many children from upward mobility is living with a single parent (Chetty et al. 2014).
In addition, the number of couples who choose to cohabit rather than marry has increased dramatically, with 4.9 million cohabiting couples in 2002, versus just 500,000 in 1970 (U.S. Census Bureau 2003). Half of the unmarried births are to mothers who are in cohabitating relationships, and seven in ten children of cohabitating couples will experience parental separation. The dissolution rate of cohabitating couples is four times higher than married couples who did not cohabitate before marriage (Osborne, Manning, and Stock 2007).
Certainly the Bible warned that cultures would drift from God’s design and that includes the family structure.
Consider these verses:
Everyone did what was right in his own eyes. Judges 21:25
They exchanged the truth of God for a lie. Romans 1:25
Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world. Romans 12:2
They will gather teachers who say what their itching ears want to hear. 2 Timothy 4:3
Children need rights: Advocate for their right to their biological father & mother.
What can we do to advocate for the rights of children to be brought up by their biological Mother and Father?
As shown above and as research clearly shows, “nearly three decades of research evaluating the impact of family structure on the health and well-being of children demonstrates that children living with their married, biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional, and academic well-being.”
Recently I came across an International organization that is completely focused on the rights of children to be raised by their biological parents: thembeforeus.com
Their home page states their mission:
Defending Children Worldwide through courageous advocacy, smart policy, and strategic media, we can create a world that puts children first.
So- why is protecting children’s rights important?
Jennifer writes in her article, “Children Deserve Both Mom And Dad | ANDnotOR
“Most scholars now agree that children raised by two biological parents in a stable marriage do better than children in other family forms across a wide range of outcomes.”
— Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs & Brookings Institution
She continues with important truth about biology and stats on children’s feeling of missing pieces:
“Biology is not just about matching DNA. It is about identity. It is about belonging. It is about the foundational human question: Who am I? When children are raised by their biological mother and father, they do not have to wonder. They are not left searching. They grow up grounded in their own story—with access to their ancestry, their kin, their people.
But children who are adopted or conceived through sperm and egg donation? Many of them wrestle for years just to find the missing pieces:
- 72% of adoptees want to know why they were given up for adoption.
- 65% expressed a desire to meet their birth parent.
- 94% expressed the desire to know which birth parent they resemble most. – American Adoption Congress Survey
- 64% of donor-conceived adults agreed “My donor is half of who I am.”
- 78% agreed being donor-conceived was a significant part of their identity.
- 81% often wondered what personality traits, skills, and/or physical similarities they shared with their donor. – We Are Donor Conceived Survey
And the ache is not just intellectual. It is emotional. As Dr. Pat Fagan, a child psychologist with decades of experience noticed:
Throughout his thousands of sessions counseling hundreds of families, Fagan observed a universal dynamic. When children witnessed their own mother and father loving one another, they felt like their parents were loving them. In Fagan’s opinion, the mother-father bond is the only human relationship through which someone can experience love indirectly, a love felt exclusively by their child. – Them Before Us, Biology Matters, p27
That kind of love creates a security that no alternative arrangement can touch.
Summary- Why it is important to protect children's rights to their biological father & mother.
Ideally, children should have the right to be brought up by their biological parents.
Biologically bonded parents are naturally predisposed to protect their own children. They have strong protective instincts, a deeper emotional investment and are willing to sacrifice for their children throughout their lifetime.
Additionally, a biological bond provides identity, heritage and belonging for children. This important bond answers questions that children naturally have…such as who am I? and who do I come from? Who do I resemble? Who did I inherit my talents from? Knowing your biological connection provides a secure sense of self.
Obviously, it’s also very important from a health viewpoint to know your biological roots.
Not knowing the answers to these questions can cause identity confusion, a feeling of disconnection and raises questions about origin or even abandonment.
Children need a father and mother as they benefit greatly from their complementary strengths.
Many decades of developmental research shows that fathers and mothers have different ways of nurturing their children. When they have both a mom and a dad, they develop more balanced social, emotional and behavioral skills.
There is compelling evidence -dozens of studies- that show the following positive outcomes for children raised by their biological mother and father.
- Far less likely to face abuse or neglect in a stable home
- Better academic outcomes
- Fewer behavioral issues
- Higher emotional stability
- Lower rates of substance abuse
- Higher future income
- Greater relational success in adulthood
- Stronger attachment to their mother and father which promotes resilience, social competence and healthy adult relationships.
All of these positive outcomes for children being raised by their biological parents ensures the child’s emotional foundation is as strong as possible.
While the biological family reflects God’s design for human flourishing, it is important to acknowledge adoptive parents with a father & mother structure. They step up to provide love, stability, guidance and compassion for children when the biological parents are unable to raise them.
Summary- Social science research reveals clearly that children do best when raised by both a father & mother.
The excerpt and quote below are from the article “Growing up with gay parents: What is the big deal? The link to this excellent article from the National Library Medicine is listed below in the testimonial section.
An objective examination of social science research into how families function reveals clearly that children do best when raised by both a mother and a father and fully supports this statement by the former Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger when he headed the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith:
the absence of complementarity in these unions (same sex) creates obstacles in the normal development of children who would be placed in the care of such persons. They would be deprived of the experience of either fatherhood or motherhood. Allowing children to be adopted by persons living in such unions would actually mean doing violence to these children, in the sense that the condition of dependency would be used to place them in an environment that is not conducive to their full human development.
It must be remembered that until recent times, marriage and family was described as – a man and a woman who raised their children together.
This covenant marriage relationship has been a stabilizing unit in society for many centuries. We must prioritize this relationship as an essential support system for future generations.
Testimonials of loss - growing up in non-traditional families and newly developed technologies that subvert God's good design.
Please listen to her story before passing judgement.
- By Pretending Surrogacy Is A Right, Adults Deny The Rights Of Children
Growing up with gay parents: What is the big deal? (National Library Medicine) Excellent article with a lot of important information about the unique role of mothers and of fathers in childhood development!
Designer Embryos and Kids Born From the DNA of Throuple Parents: Understanding the Depraved New World of EPS and IVG What society once naturally recoiled from—designer babies, artificial wombs, and the termination of disabled children—is today the source of misguided compassion.
