In the book, “Love Busters, protecting your marriage from habits that destroy romantic love”, there is an example of how hurtful words cause a great deal of harm.
It goes like this:
Sam was getting ready for work one morning when he realized that he did not have a clean shirt to put on. He blames his wife Jill for not having noticed the fact that he would be needing one and for not taking care of that.
She tries to lighten the situation and suggests that perhaps he could wear the same one as he wore the previous day.
After a bit more discussion, Sam flew into a rage, complete with recriminations, condemnations and obscenities.
Jill started to cry. This was the first time Sam had directed his anger toward her. Although he was not being physically violent, it hurt her deeply. This angry outburst was the first of many Jill would endure during the first year of their marriage.
Sam’s angry outburst had punched a hole in her Love Bank – it had sprung a leak. after one year of marriage, she was losing her feeling of love for Sam.
This is the very unfortunate result of being on the receiving end of ungracious, unattractive, very salty, judgmental words.
In Colossians 4:6 we read wise words, instructions, about how we should speak: 2 translations)
6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
6 Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.
To understand better what that verse is saying, I looked up the meaning and value of these words.
Gracious: courteous, kind and pleasant; Having patience and humility….not judgmental.
Seasoned with salt: Not too much salt in your words. Just as too much salt ruins the flavour of a meal rather than enhancing it…too much saltiness in our conversation can come across as judgmental or haughty.
So, our words should impact our conversations for the better. As followers of Christ, we need to bring a different “flavor” to our interactions. Our words should build others up, not tear them down.
The words we speak reflect what is in our hearts, “for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Luke 6:45).
In her article “What Does the Bible Say about the Tongue?” Sophia Bricker wrote this:
The tongue is a small organ, but it is often uncontrollable and destructive. While we can grow discouraged at the sinful capacity of our speech, we need to remember that we are not alone in our struggle against sin.
God created humans with the ability to talk. Amazingly, the small organ of the tongue is necessary for the formation of sounds that constitute speech. Without this small and sometimes overlooked part of our physical body, we could not converse with others.
Despite the positive potential of the tongue, the Bible informs us that this small organ is a “restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8). We can use our voices to sing praises to God, build others up with encouraging words, and declare the truth.
In the book, Love Busters mentioned at the beginning of this post, Dr. Willard Harley Jr gives action steps to overcoming angry outbursts. Though this book is primarily about marriage, it has very practical counsel that applies to any relationship.
First and foremost, we need to seek the Lord’s help in overcoming our sin and also seek godly counsel.
May we all seek to use our tongues wisely. May we carefully consider our words before speaking!
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them (Ephesians 4:29, NLT).